It’s 1.30 pm on a Wednesday and I’m already so over this week. What am I doing with my life? I don’t feel like I’m progressing. When you remove the amount of time I spend sleeping, around 50% of my time is spent at my job, while 18% is spent getting ready for work and travelling to and from work.
That’s a lot of time. As I sit on my multi-adjustable swinging chair and examine my double screen, I think about all the things I’d be doing if I wasn’t here. Writing poetry, photography, long walks, taking long overdue yoga classes. But let’s be honest. We claim we want to have more time, but when we do have time, It’s spent watching Netflix, YouTube and scrolling endlessly through our Instagram timelines. Or maybe that’s just me. How fulfilling.
I swear my eyes have gotten worse from this. All the straining and staring at a screen for 7 hours straight is taking a toll on me. And I’ve put on weight from lack of movement. I really need to get out. But I can’t just leave. When it comes down to it, I’m still here because money. I’ve got bills to pay and an endless list of items which require cash flow.
But you know what’s funny, I watched that escorts program the other day, and the girls on it were making my whole month’s salary in an hour. Okay, maybe I’m not that money hungry, but yeah, it got me thinking.
Like a broken record, irritation sets in. Is this living? Am I alive? What is life even? Is everyone like this? I could just leave and go backtracking across India for a year like that other guy. But I’ve got obligations (i.e I’m a coward). As I stare blankly at my computer screen, I wonder whether my thoughts are written on my forehead. What I really need to do is find something I really care about that can make me money, and spend my free time actually living, instead of dreading the next work day.