In the spirit of Valentines (which I think is very much over-rated and a money making scheme – hence the late post); I wanted to share this special interview with you. A man’s perspective on love, relationships and everything under that umbrella. To help me out with this, I invited my hubby Adam to answer a few burning questions that we women often have. Adam was keen to stress that you please keep in mind, that all men are different, and as such, Adam’s perspective probably doesn’t represent the whole male population. But I’m sure we could all learn a thing or two. Enough time wasted, let the interview begin!
Me: “Hi Adam, tell us a bit about yourself?”
Adam: My name’s Adam, I’m 6 ft 7, I eat one meal 3 times a day, I drive a Toyota Avensis, I work at ***** University, and I eat Eba. [I laugh in the background]
Me: What is Eba?
Adam: Eba is a Nigerian food.
Me: Are you Nigerian then?
Adam: I am half Nigerian yes.
Me: How old are you by the way?
Adam: I am 26.
Me: Cool, so why don’t you tell us a bit about your relationship history?
Adam: Well, my wife was my first properly serious girlfriend [I break out in laughter…again]. Before that, I did have girlfriends, but I never really considered them serious. I never thought with anyone of them that I might marry this girl, or that I might be with this girl for the rest of my life. It never really occurred to me.
Me: So would you consider yourself to be the player type?
Adam: Not really, because If I was with a girl, I would tend to stick with just her. But I was honest though!! I wouldn’t try and sleep with both girls at the same time, that’s just stupid.
Me: So you were the type of guy who would be with a girl, but never make it official?
Adam: Yes, and If I was seeing one girl, and I met another girl that I liked more, then I would just ditch the other one.
Me: Ouch. So would girls often ask you “are we gonna be official’ or “is the relationship something more?”
Adam: Actually, I think one girl did and that was it!
Adam: I think they generally knew what it was and where we stood.
Me: Did you make it clear to them that it was what it was?
Adam: Not explicitly, I never said it like that. But they must have known.
Me: Well, I think your the perfect candidate for this interview, because plenty of girls have been in the shoes of your previous girlfriends! Now onto the questions.
Me: What things would you say you like about your current relationship?
Adam: I like that I know where I stand, and I know what I’ve got to do day to day. There’s no uncertain questions like “is she expecting me to propose to her” or “is this getting getting to the point where its serious?” – I know that we are married. I don’t have to think about anything else but keeping my wife happy which is awesome! I’ve got one person to focus on. I can just ignore everyone else.
Me: I would ask you what things would you change about your relationship, but that’s no ones business! ha!
Me: From your past experience with dating, what do you think makes a successful relationship?
Adam: Communication, honesty, being brave enough to say what you mean, and not expecting the other person to read between the lines. Really, in any relationship be it work or personal life, these things are important. If these things are not maintained then things build up under the surface and can be detrimental to the relationship.
Me: In your opinion, what do you think makes a girl date-able versus a fling? – But ladies, remember that just because you date a guy for 6 months or for a year, it doesn’t mean you’ll get married! There are other signs to show you that this guy is serious about you.
Adam: I think the circumstances under which you meet are an indicator. Like if you meet a girl in a club, I don’t think a lot of people expect that to lead to dating and then marriage. But if you meet a girl say at work or through friends and you actually build up a relationship like that, then I think you’ll approach it differently and take it more seriously. This increases the chance of it being a dating relationship rather than just a fling. As they say, you form impressions over the first few instances you meet a person; and if your decision is made over a ‘club feeling’ as opposed to ‘this person is called so and so and we’re actually getting to know each other’ feeling, then the relationship will be defined accordingly. But of course this is not an absolute.
Me: What about in terms of the actual girl?
Adam: [Pauses] I think lots of people have lots of different attractive qualities so that’s very hard to say. But If I had to pick, I would say a girl who is well-spoken, as smart or smarter than me, and presentable. She also has to live within a reasonable distance. If she’s further away it increases the chances of her just being a fling.
Me: The next question is very introspective, but If I was a woman, how would I know if a man’s interested in seriously dating me/having a relationship rather than just sticking around for now, or just for sex.
Adam: You need to ask questions like – Is your partner introducing you to people? Is he proud of being seen with you? If a man is serious about you, he will introduce you to his family and friends. More so, he will introduce you as his partner/girlfriend. If you haven’t met anyone significant in your partner’s life after 6 months, then he probably doesn’t want to pursue the relationship in the long term. I never introduced any of my girlfriends (or even mentioned them) to my family or close friends, until I met my current wife. Another sign that a man is serious about you is that if he is open with you and feels comfortable enough to talk about his personal life [Not just what show he watched that night]. Lastly if someone puts a lot of time in seeing you, then chances are they are serious about being with you. If he is in the same city as you, there is no reason why you shouldn’t being seeing each other atleast once a week
Me: “What is the biggest turn on in a woman, and the biggest turn off?”
Adam: The biggest turn on would be big breasts, and the biggest turn off would be fake hair.
Me: Now that you’ve been given a chance to be shallow, give me an answer with substance…please.
Adam: Biggest turn offs would be lying, complainers, a person who speaks a lot about negative things and selfishness. Biggest turn on is weirdness, a happy personality and calmness.
Me: In your opinion why do you think so many relationships fail?
AdamL I think many relationships fail because people try to be smart when they don’t have the intelligence. Basically, people try to do things like sneak around their partner and lie, thinking their partner won’t notice. But really, you are not that clever and you will get caught.Also, a lack of communication. If something is wrong, try and talk to your spouse about fixing it, rather than going to someone else. Address your concerns in the relationship straight on. And if that doesn’t work out and your unhappy, then maybe you should just leave.
Me: Tell me what things you find annoying in dating and relationships?”
Adam: The amount of boring people out there.
Me: If you had a message to share with all the single ladies out there looking for love, what would it be?
Adam: Be yourself, don’t be afraid to say what you mean, and love yourself. You’ve got to love yourself first before someone else can. So when you are ready to go out there and meet someone, you’ll find the right person who loves you for you. There’s no point in going into the dating world and being someone who you think someone else is gonna want. What will happen is that you’ll end up miserable, and eventually revert back to your old and real self.
I hope you enjoyed this post, see you in the next one!